Snippets

We're experimenting with portfolios in lieu of exams. I have mixed feelings. Mostly because I think grading and preparing exams is way easier than a portfolio.

Anyway, I was going over requirements with my English II class (sophomores): Choose 6 of the 12 pieces you've done this quarter. Write a 1-paragraph reflection, if you will, on why each particular piece belongs in your portfolio. Prepare to present and defend next week during the appointed exam time. How long am I requiring each paragraph to be? FIVE sentences. I got as far as "one paragraph for each..." before they flipped out on me. My maturity shield dropped immediately, and I mocked them. "OHHH MY GOHHHHHHHHHHHD....my English teacher is making me wriiiiiite!!! OHHH MY GOHHHHHHHHHHHD...my English teacher is making me do worrrrrrk!!! OHHH MY GOHHHHHHHHHHHD...I have to write in English classsssss!!! OHHH MY GOHHHHHHHHHHHD... instead of making us study and take a long test with at least 50 questions on it, most of which are short answer, my English teacher is making me take stuff I've already written and write 5 tiny sentences about each of the 6 poemmmmmmmmzzzzzzzz!!!!" I got as far as one more "OHHH MY GOHHHHHHHHHHHD..." when one of them went, "ALL RIGHT! We GET IT! STOP!" I then put it to a vote after telling them that I could throw out the portfolio and make them a test...I already have one started for right after exam week is over (these portfolios have many down sides to them....as well as many upsides...) and they could just have a traditional exam. I made them vote; one kid wanted an exam while the rest wanted the portfolios. No more whining. I WIN!

***********************************************************************************

A teacher who uses my room during my off-period was teaching financial math today and told the kids that in order to figure out how much they would probably pay in taxes, they had to take their anal incomes.....and that was as far as he got.

**********************************************************************************

Seniors were hyped up all day. They had a sub first period and watched a movie in that class. Then their teacher discussed anal income. at lunch, the big/little brothers and sisters had an ice cream social. And then they got to journalism with me. My co-teacher friend tried to feed into it while wrangling them at the same time: she played "Simon Says" with them. It was brilliant. They got out some energy, and the last two things she said were, "Simon say take a seat.....Simon says do your work without complaining." And one of the kids yelled out, "Simon SUCKS!"

**********************************************************************************

Yesterday, another friend, who is one of the kindest, calmest teachers I've ever seen, was verbally abused by a student. Richard didn't understand something, and Laine offered to help him out. Things started out well, until Laine couldn't remember the website address Richard needed to use. He said, "It's on your instruction sheet, Richard. Get your instruction sheet." Richard yelled out, "Just tell me the damned website!!!!" Ms. Ford said, "I'm sorry, Richard, but that sort of language is not allowed in my class." She calmly took out a write-up form and checked off "Inappropriate language" with the punishment only as having the write-up signed. No detentions or anything were attached to it. Richard yelled out, "This is civics class, and you are violating my first amendment rights!!!" Um...two things: 1. first amendment does not actually guarantee free speech. For instance, one may not yell "fire!" in a crowded theater. 2. When you go to school, you sorta forfeit a lot of rights...like the right to wear your hair and clothing however you wish...and many others.

Anyway, he let out a torrent of f-bombs and s-bombs, and she calmly switched the infraction to "severe inappropriate language" and attached an after-school detention to it. Richard them yelled "F-bomb you, B-bomb!!!" He was removed to guidance for the rest of the afternoon and served an in-school suspension today.

A Pep Rally Two-Fer

With high school football season underway, on Fridays we're on a pep rally schedule at our school. The ceremonies begin during the last class of the day, when the marching band actually marches through the hallways, playing the fight song and other numbers to jazz the students up. The problem with this, of course, is that after the band leaves and before the students are actually called to the gym, it's impossible to keep them settled down. After the band came through on Friday, I was trying to give the students a reminder about a writing assignment that was due the next week when I heard a furious knocking at my door. As I walked to open it, one of my students shouted, "DON'T OPEN THAT! HE'S GOING TO SHOOT YOU!"

I scowled at him. "That's not funny, Jim. You don't even JOKE about something like that..."

As I'm scolding the kid for making an inappropriate joke, I open the door and two of my fellow TEACHERS race by my door holding laser pointers, with which they "shot" me, making zapping noises.

Yes, I apologized to Jim.

* * *

It's important to know how to relate not just to kids in general, but to specific kids. Some kids will take every thing you say personally. Others -- especially the high school boys -- actually respond better if you jibe them a little once in a while. As the pep rally ended, we closed with "The Horse." As every high school student and teacher in America knows, this song includes a segment where you are required to spell out the name of your mascot. (How schools with a mascot like the Banana Slugs handle it is beyond me...)

The band and cheerleaders help us through our mascot: T! I! G! E! R! S!

As we're cheering, I notice one of my students who's been struggling -- honestly trying, but struggling -- cheering along. So I decide I'm going to pick on him just a little. As the song ends, I go up to him and say, "Kevin, it makes me feel good to hear you spelling something right."

Kevin smiled, and said with total sincerity, "I said 'J' instead of 'G'."