Apples and Trees Night '09!

I hate today. It happens once a year (I don't mean September 2...I have no qualms with the date), and I LOATHE it. It is Back-to-School Night. Remember those? Your grandparents probably babysat you, your parents ordered pizza to feed you, they showered early and got dressed up, and then you waited in agony to see what they would report when they got home after meeting all of your teachers. And you'd better be showered, powdered, and in bed (at the very least, pretending to sleep...) by the time they got home. If it was important, they'd wake you up.

Basically, the parents show up and follow their childrens' schedules. They meet the teachers, you hand the parents a syllabus, clarify a few things that their kids probably neglected to inform them ("They all need a binder to be kept in the room to compile artifacts for their end-of-quarter portfolios..." "BINDER!?!?!? SHE DIDN'T TELL ME THAT!"), give them your e-mail address, smile, grit your teeth when they try to hold a conference with you, and send them on the way all in a span of 7 minutes.

I like to call these nights, "Apples and Trees Night." Why? My mantra when dealing with children who are spacey, slow on the uptake, or rude, is "Apples and trees. Apples and trees."

Why? Because the apple doesn't fall far from the trees.That kid who blurts things out and rarely says anything that has to do with anything? Probably learned it from mom. The kid who talks to his friends all the time in class? Parents do it, too.

Tonight, I had a mom drag her daughter around all night, come to my class late, have me start over, sit and talk to her daughter in the back of the room while I spoke and parents turned around to glare at them, then raise her hand and yell, "Excuse me!" While I was explaining the criteria for my state history project...a bonus project. Bonus...as in....not mandatory!!!

I want them to go to state festivals and bring back artifacts...go to a strawberry festival? Bring in a strawberry. Go to a music festival? Bring in a T-shirt. I don't want to keep your stuff...you have to prove your attendance. Also? Take photos of yourself and your surroundings, then do a presentation to the class. All for a bonus grade. Mom interrupts, I put on a saccharine smile and say, "Yes ma'am, may I help you?" with every ounce of Southern Charm I can muster, and she says, "Can they just go to a museum instead?"

I couldn't really contain my laughter as I blurted out, "Uh, no!" I composed myself and said firmly, "The idea is to get them to travel the state and really experience what our great state has to offer. There are over 400 festivals in our state, some just across the street or down the block. Others are 6 hours away. This is not mandatory, but is a bonus. They can do it no more than twice a quarter. A museum is not going to give them that experience. If you look in her textbook, you will see an anecdote about a little girl who moves here from Arizona, and gets this same assignment from her teacher in order to acclimate herself to our history, culture, and customs. I based this project off that story."

She was not pleased, but, hello! We are experiential learners....you learn so much more in the midst of the experience than you do from breezing past a display in a museum because you don't want to take the time to read all of the placards.

Her daughter is the same way. I just thought, over and over, "Apples and Trees....Apples and Trees..." Now...let's just hope this makes me more tolerant of the daughter...